Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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