I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
