i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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