dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
