Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
