Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
