honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
