but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
wow bdsm is so cute
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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