They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
