He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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