I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
