Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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