Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I could fuck to npr.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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