Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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