Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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