First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
