don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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