It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Are my feet made of real feet?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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