We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A+ Viking dick
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