How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
