I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
