Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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