Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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