idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
