It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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