Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
