the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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