Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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