I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
