one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
