And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
