you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
