but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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