I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
