we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
