Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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