right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
