maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
