Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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