I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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