lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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