I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
