No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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