After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
