don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
