I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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