I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
