Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
