well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
