so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
