she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
