Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
barbara walters just said penis...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
