Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
