Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
