i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
