I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
