I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
