I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
