New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
