I am puke
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
