you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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