it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
