I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
