I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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