I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
