Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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